I’m tired of all the drama on this website it’s like I can’t go two minutes without seeing a production of hamlet

(via dutchster)


I stubbed my toe and naturally I screamed “mOTHERFUCKER” and then my dad poked his head out of the livingroom and said “you rang?”

(Source: diamonds-are-only-carbon, via dutchster)


so i was wondering what my teachers water bottle said and

(via zackisontumblr)


I’m glad that Bilbo Baggins exists

Because in the book, the dude was pretty firmly middle aged when his crazy-ass adventure started

He was settled down in the house that belonged to his parents and had done precisely jack shit with his life

It gives me hope that maybe some nutcase wizard will eventually show up and be like yo

you’re a burglar now

don’t even care that you didn’t roll rogue homie we got dragons to slay and kingdoms to save 

(via 221bbakerstreetissherlocked)


still waiting for the 4DS where i will be physically transported into the realm of pokemon

(Source: dr-tankenstein, via wingbeifong)




reasons to be a mermaid

  • no periods
  • no pants

And perfect hair

And you get to lure men into their death

(via hohomylad)


do you ever just want someone to come over and sit on the floor with you for a few hours

(via thespookybisexual)

Everything I’ve ever let go of has claw marks on it.
— David Foster Wallace  (via raychillster)

(Source: airudite, via officialbeef)


I’d feel more comfortable with dudes opening doors for me if instead of saying “ladies first” they said “eagle one is on the premises, make way for madam president, I repeat eagle one is on the premises”

(via madeoutofstardust)



you know shit’s getting real if we’re naked and I have to stop to tie up my hair

Lesbian problems.

(Source: secnarfrelram, via flight815kitsune)



casually call people “human” to unsettle them and make them question what sort of being you are

(via sauntervaguelydown)



You wouldn’t download a goat. 

shut the fuck up i would absolutely download a goat

(Source: ronlynch, via worldsonlyconsultingassbutt)


if you just walked into a club and the floor was super slippery and people had strapped knives to their feet and were jumping around you’d be like “holy shit, i don’t know if this is the environment for me” and yet skating is a thing

(Source: theghostofyouditea, via thespookybisexual)


may your 2014 be filled with satire, lesbians, immeasurable wit and sapphic poetry every single day

(Source: cishetjolras, via sexybritishllama)


i love boys with with really strong accents like irish or scottish. i don’t have a clue what they’re saying. i love it. i hate hearing a coherent boy. i don’t actually care about what you have to say.

(Source: buzzedfeed, via governorodious)

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